I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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