thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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