whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
