Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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