Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found your dick twin last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
