Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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