there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
