you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
