I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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