you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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