the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
