I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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