You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
false alarm. still invincible.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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