I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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