Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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