: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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