it was like his penis was on wheels.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
