is your mom at the bar?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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