i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
