honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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