Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
