i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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