think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
