Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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