The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
