Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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