Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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