I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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