this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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