Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
