i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
