its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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