she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
