He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
