Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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