another moral hangover. fuck.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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