It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
