mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize