Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
