You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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