Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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