When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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