I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
