I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
