A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize