we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
