bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You took a bar mat shot.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
