There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
