I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
