I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
