i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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