should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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