I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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