I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
