I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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