If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
