apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
