Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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