She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
