I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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