Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
